Tonight was a bit more relaxed. We started by sharing stories about what we’ve been doing in the last couple of weeks since we last met. Again, part of what we do on Wednesdays is creating a home environment where our students do life together in a very real way. Sharing our stories, frustrations, etc., in a safe environment is all part of growing together. After some very dramatic stories… you can ask your student who was most dramatic today. LOL We sat down to take on today’s discussion.
The Lesson
Over the last couple of weeks, we’ve been discussing what to do if we feel offended or have offended others. We’ve discussed offenses caused by people saying things and even not saying things. Today, we will discuss what to do if someone actively does something that offends you.
Ask: Has anyone ever done something physically to offend you, or perhaps a better way of asking it is, has anyone done something that has flat-out embarrassed or humiliated you?
To humiliate someone is to cause them to feel like they’ve lost their pride, dignity, or self-respect. Someone forcefully humiliating us can cause a seed of offense to grow rapidly in our hearts. Let’s say someone, as a joke, decides to cut off my ponytail in the middle of the night during an event. On top of that, while I’m visibly upset, they mock me because they don’t like my ponytail. That can affect me on multiple levels.
When things like that happen, we begin to act, speak, and see things differently. How we see ourselves begins to be through the lens of that humiliation. If it’s an attack on the person’s appearance, then they may begin to question their body. Some have gone so far as to hurt themselves because of this. They also begin to see their community differently. They begin to see brothers and sisters in Christ as enemies.
As far as how we talk, our conversations will begin to go back to that situation often. Not in a “look how God healed me,” but in a very bitter look at this type of way. I once knew a person who hurt someone very dear to him in a very real way. They worked through things, but the person he hurt held on to that bitterness. Every time they would talk, the person who was hurt would bring up the situation and would almost attack the other person, even though they claimed they had forgiven them.
With this offense tainting our speech and vision, we begin to recluse ourselves. The more we isolate ourselves, the more the enemy has an opportunity to harm us.
Ask: So what should we do if we have been offended by someone?
Ask: What is God’s heart when it comes to dealing with those who have done something wrong?
God’s desire is to see us restored to proper relationships with Him and, by proxy, with each other. In Galatians 6:1, when dealing with someone who has done something wrong, we “should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path.”
Question becomes… how do we do that? Let’s look at Matthew 18:15-17.
Read verse 15 and tell me what it says we should do.
“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.”
According to this, if someone has done us wrong, we need to be open and honest about it. We need to be willing to confront them one-on-one and let them know what happened. In this conversation, many things could happen. The person could realize that they did wrong and repent! You may realize that their actions were not on purpose and that they had no desire to hurt you. In either case, you work that out and move on!
But what if things aren’t resolved? Read verse 16 and tell me what it says we should do?
“But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.”
Now, let’s be clear. This is not to say that you should grab your best friends who are just as mad as you and go gang up on the person. Remember that the goal is to restore people. This means you grab a couple of people who are level-headed and can help you two talk things through appropriately. Again, in this process, the person could discover that they were in the wrong and genuinely apologize. At the same time, you may discover that this is a large misunderstanding and things are not what you thought they were.
But what if things still aren’t resolved?
Read verse 17 and tell me what it means.
“If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.”
This is a big deal. This is where you call in leadership to help you resolve things. In some cases, this may mean bringing in your parents. In some cases, if it’s here at the church, it would be calling in church leadership. But remember that this whole process is about restoring people to the right relationship with Jesus and each other. This isn’t about trying to kick people out of the church just because we don’t like them, this isn’t about attacking people.
In fact, Romans 12:17-18 says this:
Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.
If you’ve been offended, you shouldn’t go out of your way to offend and humiliate that person. We should do everything in our power to bring peace to the situation as a whole. In fact, look at what Romans 12:20-21 says
Instead, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.” Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.
Ask: Does this sound easy? Why or Why not?
Ask: What does it take to get to the point where we can do this?
A lot of it takes what we’ve been discussing over the last few weeks. We must be humble, honest with ourselves, rooted in love, and continually filled with God’s presence.
Adventures in Student Ministry 